At. Long. Last. Agoodalbum

[DISCLAIMER: this post is a giant waste of time (tho more so for me than for you), as the Chief Keef song named after A$ap Rocky is better than anything it's namesake has ever put his name on]

it seems pretty clear at this point that a$ap rocky is more content being kendall jenner's sexual plaything than actually rapping, and to him i say: FAIR ENOUGH. dude is like one versace sweater or whatever it is he cares about so much away from quitting rap entirely for a modeling career. and will anyone really cry the day this happens? probably not. i have it on pretty good authority a large portion of el rocko's fanbase consists of people who want to and will never be give the opportunity to fuck him. c'est la guerrre. this fantasy will in no way be shattered by him modeling instead of rapping.

everyone knows a$ap yams was the brains behind the operation, and with him out of the picture (RIP) it's not looking too good. especially if the best steven rodriguez could wrestle out of rocky post debut mixtape was an album with a past his prime skrillex feature and the fucking self indulgent shambles of his follow up that are haphazardly bungee-corded together by joe "industry plant/ i-swear-i-found-him-on-the-street/ "next jimi hendrixareyoufuckingkiddingme?!?" fox. dude is a poor man's king krule with a dreadlocked mullet. it seems like all of danny brown's ambition and none of danny brown's impeccable taste rubbed off on '$ap. i have never appreciated being condescended to. the world deserves better.


and thanks to me currently being unemployed and having officially dropped out of college, that is exactly what the world is going to get. imagine, if you will, a$ap rocky had waited a year longer to capitalize on the excessive advance he received from RCA. imagine the slew of actually pretty good singles he released before his major label rap album were actual indicators of the quality of the project they came from. imagine a$ap ferg was nowhere to be found the days a$ap rocky went to the studio to record. though it's hard, imagine he had put out only one album, a more thoughtful and well constructed, if slightly less commercially successful album instead of the two hot tubs of goo (a term first used to describe rocky's most recent mess by andrew nosnitsky) record stores are currently selling as his first and second albums. i can't make him sound not bored while he's rapping but i can at least try not to feel the same while i'm listening to it!!!

 A$AP Debut

1. Long Live A$AP (prod. a$ap rocky & sum other foolz) [2013]

2. Goldie (prod. Hit-Boy) [2012]

3. Lines ft. Big Boi & Phantogram* (prod. Organized Noize, Chris Carmouche & Big Boi) [2012]

4. Fuckin Problem ft. 2 Chainz, Drakk & Kenny (prod. 40) [2012]

5. Multiply ft. Juicy J (prod. Curtis Heron) [2014]

6. Lord Pretty Flacko Jodye 2 (prod. Nez & Rio) [2015]

7. LVL (prod. Clams Casino) [2013]

8. I Got Money ft. Raekwon (prod. S1 & Jerry Wonda) [2015]

9. L$D (prod. a$ap rocky & sum other foolz) [2015]
10. Fashion Killa (prod. FRIENDZONE) [2013]

*i refuse to refer to them as "big grams" smh

I didn't include any of those lame ass danger mouse tracks off the last album (or god forbid the fucking rod stewart remake from the mind who brought the world uptown skunk). that trash crit bait 1train was also not included because who wants 2 hear 6 varying degrees of internet rappers have a "cypher" for "real hip hop" to "remind us NY Rap" is "still alive," esp w/ action bronson's transphobic ass. That said it might have my favorite joey bada$$ verse, after this. when he rhymes "rock" with "roc" it's tight lol. I took the liberty of including two of the only good guest verses rocky has been able to muster post hands on the wheel, and i didn't feel one bit bad about it because the respective raekwon and big boi albums they come from are otherwise incredibly mediocre (catch an abridged version of Vicious Lies & Raprock Hybrids coming soon). "Ghetto Symphony" is omitted due to a$ap Ferg's "verse," Gunplay having a shitload of better solo material, and the fact that I cringe a little every time a$ap copy has the audacity to compare himself to andré 3000 (who is genuinely overrated, secretly big boi is the better half of OutKast, just significantly less flashy).

Lil wayne's temper tantrum of a verse on M'$ is really great, but the 2 and a half minutes of the "body" of the "song" attached to the front end of it are sort of akin to wading through a swamp to find a $5 bill. that shit's not worth it breaux. there are 100s of good wayne songs. some of them don't even feature a$ap rocky. the song with MIA & future also suffers a similar fate, tho with the added pain of joe fox's "presence." I would not mind if Mathangi and Nayvadius were to get in the studio together (i'd say again but they probably emailed those verses in. Given the same situation, wouldn't you?)

WHERE THE FUCK DID A$AP TY BEATS GO???? the purple swag remix alerted me to this glaringly obvious reason for the sharp drop off in quality a$ap mob as a whole went through post Live.Love.A$AP. somehow R*kim (seems weird and wrong to call A$ap Rocky by his government name when this is where most peoples brains would go) deluded himself into thinking he was "the talent." whoops.

I didn't listen to the cozy tape all the way through, i doubt i ever will. I guess technically it counts as a rocky album since he's on 9 out of the 12 songs. maybe playboi carti will somehow revitalize his career instead of getting dragged down by the mediocrity of a$ap mob. on some level i feel like $appy Rock is responsible of using his vapid ideas and good looks to pave the way for the likes of travis scott, but that in no way diminishes how much fun i have watching travie get butthurt over it. i don't know, man. i'm starting to feel physically ill over how much time i just spent thinking about a$ap rocky #neveragain

paradoxymoron

in honor of schoolboy being back and seemingly off the oxy/lean/xans again here is my best attempt at salvaging the let down that is oxymoron. after habits & contradictions dropped i believed quincy 2 be the best rapper in TDE and i don't think i was wrong. 18 year old me was crushed to have the oft overhyped but still cohesive good kid maad city followed up by such a bloated, repetitive project. i didn't just buy the cd, i bought the deluxe edition. hook line and sinker bay-by. somehow it sounds even worse than i remember it, and while it seemed like way too long of an album to ever warrant BONUS tracks, now that it is on the chopping block i am happy to have more to choose from.

i almost feel guilty for only keeping 4 of the original tracks but then i remember how badly i never want to listen to an obese rapper knocked out on opiates drooling over thundercat's bass playing for 6 and a half minutes ever again. that or a "gangster" pandering to "college kids who be loving q" whilst getting bodied by kendrick in two languages in a futile attempt at a hit single. i tear up a little thinking about how much money someone spent on a 2 chainz verse about nothing over one of the most generic mike will phoned-it in beats i have heard to this day.

i think they tried to make Q his own gkmc and instead gave the world another wale album minus the lady gaga features

PARADOXYMORON:
1. Gangsta [prod. Nez & Rio]
2. Gravy [prod. Clams Casino]
3. Break the Bank [prod. The Alchemist]
4. Californication (feat. A$AP Rocky) [prod. Nez & Rio] (shortened by yours truly because who wants 2 hear a 6 minute a$ap rocky song lol)
5. Flight Confirmation (Alchemist featuring Danny Brown & ScHoolboy Q)
6. Yay Yay [prod. Boi-1da & The Maven Boys]
7. Grooveline, Pt. 2 (feat. Suga Free) [prod. Tae Beast & Frank Dukes]
8. Pusha Man [prod. Tae Beast]
9. Blind Threats (feat. Raekwon) [prod. LordQuest]
10. Fuck LA [prod. Nez & Rio]

honestly don't think any album should have more than 10 songs unless all of the songs are good. on top of that they should have gone more for more of a Pusha man vibe (1:43) instead of that of  Prescription / Oxymoron (7:10). i don't know if Q in his prime could have carried a 7 minute song, and in the throws of addiction i feel safe asserting he could not.


no druggy wit hoes part 3 added insult to injury, and if i remember right it was was supposed to feature danny brown too. would have been nice to get one last good ab-soul/ schoolboy collaboration out before soul did too much DMT and started believing he was jesus. how the mighty have fallen. in 2012 black hippy seemed like it wasn't like like "those other rap groups," but also i was in high school. maybe i was just dumb, breaux. idealism is 4 the naive.

i would have included "man of the year" if it hadn't been overplayed to the point where i can never listen to it again. it also serves as a constant reminder of the "spacey" vocal sample / trap drums / singular phrase repeated into oblivion formula that informed the second half of the original tracklist of this album.

hopefully this new scHoolboy Q will take up where H&C left off and we can all forget the bad dream of oxymoron, i'm not sure he even remembers making it.